Saturday, April 4, 2009

Commerce Secretary Issues New Guidelines for Rummage Sales

Report by Allen G. Byrd, SD Chapter

Earlier this week, recently confirmed Commerce Czar and former Washington Governor, Gary Locke, announce new regulations for garage/yard/rummage sales.  Says Locke, “In keeping with the President’s recent legislation which keeps our consumers safe from used children’s clothing and books, and organic produce, I am implementing regulations that will preclude certain dangerous and distasteful items from being sold in the neighborhood sales that threaten American consumers every weekend in this great country.”  Locke, the first Chinese-American to serve as Commerce Secretary, promulgated a preliminary list of products banned from resale at neighborhood and church sales.

According to Locke, previously worn undergarments, even those tagged as “gently-used” can no longer be resold.  Additionally, personal lubricants, personal hygiene products, and birth control products without a factory seal are now banned.  Other restricted products include used orthodontic/dental devices (e.g. retainers and dentures), stained bedding and mattresses, open food stuffs, toilet brushes and plungers, and any product that may have come in contact with bodily fluids.  “Families and church leaders who disregard the new regulations,” stated Locke, “can expect hefty fines of up $500,000 and/or jail terms of up to two years.  Executives from Walmart, who anticipate a 5% growth in sales over the next 12 months because of the plan, in addition to the 15% increase in sales because of recent regulations placed on used children’s clothes, toys, and books, and the ban on organic produce and meat, hailed Locke as “hero to consumers.”

1 comment:

David said...

Who would buy that nasty-a$$ crap anyway? Used underwear? Partially consumed birth control pills?

Anyone foisty such unseemly junk on the public should be subject to the death penalty - well, in Texas at least.