Showing posts with label california. Show all posts
Showing posts with label california. Show all posts

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Schwarzenegger Calls For Statewide Ban on Man-Boobs

Report by Jeanine Folson, CA Chapter

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger urged the California Assembly to pass a controversial ban on what many laughingly refer to as “man-boobs.” In his statement to state legislators, Schwarzenegger singled out octogenarian Jack Nicholson, calling the famed actor a “sissified ‘guhrlie maan’ with [breasts] as big as Maria [Shriver].” The former body builder and movie star rebuked California, once the home of “tight bodied surfer dudes who really knew their way around a long board,” for becoming the home of “fat, fleshy piggies.” The Governator’s plan would give fat-chested men 90 days to “pump their flabby, fleshy ‘guhrlie’ bodies into shape, or they will be put on a Greyhound to Oklahoma.” Schwarzenegger’s statement ended by stating, “It’s time to send the piggies away ... go away piggies, go away.”

Larry Banister, proprietor of Larry’s Frozen Custard in Burbank, CA, and a man personally threatened by the proposed ban, responded to the news by nervously blending delicious frozen custard with tasty morsels of rich milk chocolate and caramel nuggets, then absconding to his back office to pacify his emotions with the heavenly treat and to call his mother for comfort.

Friday, July 18, 2008

S.F. to Dedicate Sewer to Bush

Report by Brenda Hanson, CA Chapter

In an effort to celebrate the Presidency of George W. Bush, San Francisco, California is considering a ballot measure that would rename a local sewage treatment center the George W. Bush Sewage Plant. Area resident, Bill Trainer, created a graph (depicted below) showing key similarities between Bush’s standard system of information dissemination and an actual sewage plant. Trainer called Bush’s presidency a “modern marvel which could only be celebrated adequately through the dedication of the treatment plant.” San Francisco mayor, Gavin Newsom applauded the measure, declaring that there is “no more fitting memorial to the Bush Administration.” San Francisco area residents will decide the issue by ballot in November.