Washington News In Brief

Scientists Fear Political Eruption Imminent

Report by Walter Hodges, OR Chapter

Government Seismologists cautioned Wednesday that underlying emotions stoked by political schisms are threatening to erupt in many areas of the country.  “The threat is particularly dangerous in so-called ‘battle ground’ states where the public is constantly bombarded with negative campaign ads,” says Dr. Francis Norton of the United States Geological Survey (USGS).  The USGS is suggesting that citizens avoid artificial stimulants such as caffeine and meth-amphetamines, and limiting exposure to political stimuli like political ads and that annoying guy at work with all the bumper stickers who won’t shut up about how only an idiot would vote for so-and-so.

Liberals Call GOP Billboard Racist

Report by Alan Bostwick, MN Chapter

Liberal political action committee (PAC) MoveOn.Org issued a statement on Tuesday demanding that billboards recently erected by the Republican National Committee (RNC) be removed immediately.  The billboards in question point out the difference between the so called “fast lane” and “slow lane”, and bill the ad as a “Public Service Announcement”. 

MoveOn.Org called the ad campaign as racist and demeaning to both Asians and Gays.  “Everyone knows that Asians and Gays are the world’s worst drivers, and this is an obvious attack on those people groups by the hate-mongers on the Right,” says MoveOn founder Joan Blades.  RNC spokesman Bill Daniels responded to the accusations by asking, “What?!”