Bush: ‘America Got Drunk’

Report by Fran Childers, NV Chapter

A firestorm of criticism has befallen President George W. Bush in the wake of a video that surfaced on YouTube recently. The video is a clip from a recent closed-door campaign fundraiser for Texas Republican Pete Olson, in which the President explains the circumstances surrounding his own election. “There’s no question about it,” Bush said, “America got drunk ... it got drunk and I’m the hangover.” Bush explained that he knew too well the consequences of hard drinking and partying, having had, on several occasions over the past 15 years, the need to wiggle out from underneath a “400 pound heifer” after a “night out with the boys.” The President continued with a knowing smile and a cool southern chuckle, “Let’s see how America will do wiggling out from under me.” In the video clip, Bush, pictured here, went on to describe the consequences of his years of cocaine use.

DNC Announces New Fundraiser

Report by Harold Wand, NE Chapter

The Democratic National Committee, in the face of economic hardships that have been hampering donation revenues, today unveiled a new strategy to raise money. For the first time, the DNC will be selling coupon books filled with various discounts on such things as Congresspersons’ votes and entrance to closed sessions of Congress. The DNC Congressional Coupon Book, which will be sold for $25,000, is aimed at ultra-rich liberals, corporations, and PACs.

 “Coupon books like this have been used for years by small organizations with great success,” stated Howard Dean, DNC President, continuing excitedly, “We’re simply taking this familiar concept to a whole new level!”

Detractors of the fundraising scheme have questioned the ethics of promoting the sale of votes and access to closed sessions of congressional committee meetings. “The DNC is basically saying that if you have enough money, their lawmakers are for sale. What happened to Democrats looking out for the little guy?” questioned Ohio Teamster Alan Petrovski. Dean addressed such sentiments by calling politics a “catch 22 situation” and saying, “we can’t help the lower and middle classes without money from the rich, and we can’t get money from the rich without selling out the lower and middle classes.”