Florida: Tired of Being Called America’s Penis

Report by Floyd Davies, FL Chapter

Led by Florida Governor Charlie Crist, a bi-partisan coalition of Floridians has drawn a preverbal line in the sand.  That line stands for the end of phallic references to the shape of the Sunshine State.  Florida, which actually does roughly reflect the appearance of a flaccid wang, has long endured the ridicule that understandably accompanies its geography.  Crist, who ironically resembles a turgid male genitalia when standing, issued the following statement, “Florida will, from this day forward, no longer tolerate degrading references by other states concerning the unfortunate profile of our great state.  Henceforth, we should like to be thought of for all the wonders that we have to offer, like Disneyworld, the Everglades, and scores of retirees.

Despite the current rhetoric, Florida has a long history of embracing its appearance.  In 1850 a plan, which was never acted upon, was put forth by the State Senate which would have created dikes, similar to Holland’s, to increase the size of the panhandle, thus effectively creating a geographic scrotum to accompany the main body of the state.  In 1887, the Florida House of Representatives approved a bill that would have changed the state nickname from “The Sunshine State” to “The Manhood State”.  In fact, even Juan Ponce de Leon, the Spanish conquistador who gave Florida its name, privately referred to the land as “El Pene” or “The Penis” as translated into English.