Family Values No Longer Part of Official Republican Platform

Report by Aimee Johnson, GA Chapter

In response to numerous sex scandals - in particular, several recent public affairs by high ranking Republicans - the Republican National Committee (RNC) voted Thursday to remove “Family Values” from the official GOP platform. Michael Steele, RNC Chairman, in a speech to the Committee, urged his fellow Republicans to vote to end touting family values by saying, “If we ever want to get votes again, we must stop preaching about family values then inevitably turn around and bang our secretaries. We’re not going stop banging our secretaries, so our only realistic course of action is to stop espousing family values. In that way we won’t be hypocritical pigs, just pigs, and that’s like ... 50 percent better.”

Despite the family-oriented rhetoric of Republicans, GOP politicians provide easy fodder for tabloids and gossip columnists. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (seen here top-left describing how thin his Brazilian whore is) and Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) recently made headlines with their extramarital affairs. In just the past few years, former Congressman Mark Foley of Florida (pictured here on the right savoring the taste of a teenage boy), and former Senator Larry Craig of Idaho (caught here with snack cake industry lobbyist Twinkie the Kid) fell from grace for soliciting sex from boys and airport defecators respectively. Additionally, GOP activists such as Neal Horsley (sex with man and mule), Randal Ankeney (drugged and raped a 13 year old girl), and Parker J. Bena (possession of child porn) have revealed to America just how truly little GOP politicians really care about families and morality.

Former Speaker of the House, Republican icon Newt Gingrich, who has been guilty of several extramarital affairs, commented on the move by saying, “It’s good to see that the RNC is finally on the same page as Republican politicians.”