Perez Hilton to Regulate Bloggers

Report by Antonio Soto, TX Chapter

[Editor’s Note: In an effort to abide by newly appointed Blogosphere Czar, Perez Hilton’s recent mandate that any blog articles that might be construed as “hate speech, such as racist, homophobic, and/or psuedo-puritanical Conservative bull[crap] must include an opportunity for response by an individual who voted for and supports the heroic efforts of President Barack Obama,” the AoE invited comedian and liberal political activist Janeane Garofalo to provide such a response.]

Just minutes after President Obama named gossip queen, Perez Hilton, to the newly created post of Blogosphere Czar, Hilton, who garnered national attention for his politically motivated question to Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean about gay marriage, announced that “the fairness doctrine would be applied to blogs to correct an ongoing problem of conservative bias with hundreds of the millions of blogs originating within the United States.”  Hilton, who continued by slapping his own ass and making an obscene gesture with his fingers, shouted, “I’m going to shut you ignorant, queer-hating, bee-itches down.”  

Garofalo:  “Here’s a better headline: ‘George Bush is an idiot!’” 

While many politically conservative and independent bloggers were alarmed by the news that blog content would now be regulated by an individual who clearly opposes any statements that are not consistent with an extremely liberal platform, President Obama reassured the public by saying, “Miss ... ter Hilton has shown courage and integrity through ... [indecipherable] use of electronic media, ... this individual, I believe, embodies the experience and character to guide this nation’s bloggers into a new electronic era.”

Garofalo:  “George W. Bush makes Perez Hilton look like a [fornicating] genius!”

According to Obama’s Executive Order 13512 which created the Blogosphere Czar position, Hilton may now promulgate any regulations upon bloggers that he sees fit “in order to ensure domestic tranquility and positive dialog via electronic media.”  Such an open-ended mandate allows Hilton to restrict what he called, “the ignorant, subversive ramblings of the Right,” despite calls from many bloggers that such restrictions and regulations will violate their Constitutional Freedom of Speech.

Garofalo:  “If stupidity is protected by the Constitution, then we should get rid of it ...”

[Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Janeane Garofalo for her insightful and eloquent responses.]