Cheers and Booze as Death Penalty Returns

Report by Chester Tanner, TX Chapter

The race is on to be the first to resume state sanctioned executions since the injunction issued by the U.S. Supreme Court last September, and Death Penalty advocates couldn’t be happier. Mississippi appears to have narrowly edged out the competition by scheduling Earl Wesley Berry for a lethal injection on Monday, May 5th. Georgia is holding strong in the number two position, with the execution of William Earl Lynd planned for Tuesday. “Mississippi shouldn’t count it’s chickens before they hatch,” says Georgia Attorney General Thurbert E. Baker, “Berry is a retard, and has a good chance at getting a delay.” If Berry gets that delay, then Lynd will die first, shifting bragging rights to Georgia.

No death penalties have been carried out in the U.S. since Michael Wayne Richard was put out of the citizenry's misery in September of 2007. “The [Supreme] Court decided to take up the Constitutionality of lethal injection a couple hours before we shot that son of a [gun] up with poison,” reminisced Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, ”we figured the injunction was coming, but decided it’s easy to ask for forgiveness than permission.” Because of the back ups on Death Rows across the country, the recent ruling by the Supreme Court that lethal injections were indeed Constitutional sparked a mad dash by states to free up some jail cells.

Texas, which has far outperformed other states in number of executions, is not in the running for first execution, but will make up for that by disposing of four inmates in June and July. Virginia, Florida, Alabama, Illinois, Oklahoma, and South Dakota will also be clearing space in their prisons during the upcoming summer months. Meanwhile, excitement is growing in Mississippi and Georgia where fans of the Death Penalty are camping outside of the respective facilities at what have become week long tailgate parties. In a display of just how competitive the push to resume executions has become, the gathered crowds have set up video feeds linked to both prisons, and the spirited tailgaters have taken to chanting, back and forth, such things as, “We’ve got needles, yes we do; we’ve got needles how ‘bout you.”