McCain Presidency Plan to Include Pandering

Report by Jan Fellows, VT Chapter

Sen. John McCain revealed his vision for his presidency yesterday during a speech in Columbus Ohio. The plan, which included McCain’s predictions regarding the situation in Iraq and international terrorism, dealt extensively with his willingness to allow corporations and special interest groups to use the federal government as a doormat. Gus Jenkins, a lobbyist for the petroleum industry, greeted the revelation with excitement saying, “McCain’s ‘maverick’ reputation had many of us a little nervous about the future of our ability to pass friendly legislation by the President’s desk, but McCain’s comments make it clear that if he should somehow beat Obama, we can continue to screw the American people.

In the speech, McCain explained, “Corporations and special interest groups are the backbone of this great nation, they need and deserve special consideration when making decisions about how to spend the money of working Americans, and via continuing deficits, the money of future working Americans.” McCain continued by saying, “If people mattered, they would raise their collective voice, but they are adequately pacified by satellite television, XBox 360, and Internet porn, which allows the government to concentrate on what is really important, which, of course, is to distribute U.S. Dollars to corporations in which [government officials] hold stock, and special interests groups which promote some particular program or project that benefits Washington insiders in some financial way.”

Attempts to get reactions to McCain’s comments from average working class Americans, were generally answered by, “Dude who is John McCain?” or “Didn’t he die like three years ago?”