Saturday, May 24, 2008

Spielberg, Lucas Offend Fellow Communists

Report by Barbara Herrington, CA Chapter

The Director-Producer team of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas raised the ire of fellow Communists back in the Motherland with the release of the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones series. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” which consequently could have been named “Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Bad Screenplay,” pits Harrison Ford against an evil KGB agent played by Cate Blanchet. Communist lawmakers in St. Petersburg whined about the script calling it “unfair,” “intolerant,” and “mean-spirited.” Andrei Andreyev, a Moscow Communist, stated, after seeing the movie, “I was so mad I wanted to dig up the bones of Vladimir Lenin and beat the pseudo-Communist beards off those no-talent hacks.” Andreyev continued by saying, “If I ever find a real alien, I shove it so far up [the shared colon of Spielberg and Lucas] that both will have to speak Klingon to understand each other.”

In responding to the turmoil created by the film’s release, Spielberg, who gives 5% of his post tax income to the cold remains of the Communist Party in Russia, offered an apology to the Communist Party but defended the script by saying, “it is in tune with Lenin’s vision of pacifying the bourgeoisie pigs with mindless drivel while secretly tearing apart the very fabric of the Capitalist structure in the U.S.” “Besides,” Spielberg went on, “principles are for the poor.” Lucas chimed in to say, “What’s the big deal? It’s not as though ours is a viable socio-economic model anyway. Besides, Klingon is from Star Trek you ignorant donkey!”

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