Obama Admits Addiction to Facebook Application

Report by Francis Berrant, OH Chapter

The Democratic Presidential primary heated up last week when the Clinton camp disclosed information to the press that suggests Barack Obama is addicted to Mob Wars, a game application available to Facebook users. Although Clinton initially denied that her campaign was the source of the story, she retracted that denial after the reporter who got the scoop released a statement saying, “that lying [female dog] called me herself.”

Following disclosure of the Mob Wars scandal, many technophobes around the country momentarily called for Obama to drop out of the race, before realizing that such a move would mean Clinton would make it to the general election, and quickly retracted their demands. Obama addressed his shameful vice by saying, “I initially started using Facebook purely for the networking opportunities. But before long, I was innocently toying with the idea of adding the fun Shrute Bucks application, then it was a Super Wall, and before long my Facebook profile was so full of applications I’d have to schedule an hour just to scroll through them all. Obama continued by saying, “A friend, well actually an acquaintance of a friend of an acquaintance of an acquaintance of a friend, sent me an invite to Mob Wars. I knew I had too many applications already, but I couldn’t resist checking it out. It had 4.5 stars, that’s out of 5, that means people like it.

Obama, pictured above as he was deciding whether to buy more weapons or invest his money in another casino, blames the loss in West Virginia on his addiction to Mob Wars, calling it his darkest hour. Sen. Obama has vowed to remove the application from his Facebook profile if elected President. Known as “Kid Killa B” on Mob Wars, Obama commented, “I’d remove it now but I just bought a crap load of grenade launchers and want to smoke some suckas who have been frontin’.”