Tuesday, May 6, 2008

One on One with Twinkie the Kid

Exclusive Interview by Janet Beacon, NJ Chapter

AoE: Twinkie, just to begin, can you tell us about your relationship with Hostess?

Kid: Well, I came on board with the company (Hostess) in 1947. Back then, I did a lot of appearances, commercials, and what not. Over the years, my job shifted from advertising to lobbying and I was moved from L.A. to D.C. in the late 80’s. I still do some appearances at county fairs and music festivals, that sort of thing, but mainly my job is to hobnob with Congressmen, you know, work them so that Hostess gets favorable treatment.


AoE: There has been some talk lately about your relationship with Senator Ted Kennedy. Are you willing to respond to accusations that you and Kennedy have been involved in a sexual relationship.

Kid: Ted and I have been involved in a casual relationship for about 15 years.

AoE: Can you elaborate?

Kid: In 1992 or 93, the company (Hostess) asked me to take Ted out and have a few drinks, slip him an envelope full of hundies ($100 bills), you know, typical lobbyist stuff. We hit it off immediately, we really had an instant connection. I’m drawn to powerful men, and Ted is drawn to snack cakes ... one drink led to another ... we got drunk and Ted drove me back to his place - which in retrospect, given his track record, probably wasn’t the best choice; fortunately we didn’t have to cross any bridges.

AoE: So you and Senator Kennedy have been involved in a sexual relationship for about 15 years.

Kid: Yes

AoE: Would you characterize the relationship as a homosexual one?

Kid: What do you think? I’m a cowboy with hearts on my handkerchief; my name is “Twinkie” for heaven’s sake ... how obvious could it be?

AoE: What made you decide to come forward with details about the relationship?

Kid: For 15 years, I’ve been putting up with Ted using me for my creme-filled goodness. He’s been leading me on with promises to leave his wife and to introduce legislation that promotes Hostess’ interest for that whole time.

AoE: But he did introduce that legislation didn’t he? The Snack Cake Assistance Act (SCAA).

Kid: Only after I left him. It was an attempt to get me back; but it was too little too late. I wasted 15 years on him. I passed up opportunities with Barney Frank and Herb Kohl, men that would have appreciated me and treated me like the beautiful, intelligent snack cake that I am; instead I’ve put up with being Ted’s Ho-Ho. Well, I will be [Ted’s] Ho-Ho no longer!

5 comments:

Stephanie M said...

What's wrong with being a Ho-Ho?

~Kim said...

I think it was very brave of Twinkie the kid to come forward ... and why isn't major media reporting this?

Caleb said...

brilliant journalism... riveting... great job aoe!

Little Debbie said...

Are you paying caleb to leave nice comments? Do you feel at all sick that you're slandering a man who has a brain tumor? Can't you get sued for publishing slander? Just Curious. Carry on.

John L. said...

Actually, no he can't get sued... well I guess theoretically he could "get sued," but he would win. Kennedy is a public figure, and the comments are obviously satirical. It's all fair game.