U.S. Sends Osmonds to Hell

Report by Dennis Hascert, SC Chapter

Sibling singers Donny and Marie Osmond, played three standing room only shows in Hades recently as part of a Good Will tour sent by the U.S. Government to Hell.  Donny and Marie were named co-Ambassadors to the Nether World last month by President George W. Bush and spent some time with the ruler of the Dark Realm, as well as many deceased fans of the 70’s singing sensations.  Speaking by phone from his family home near Ogden, Utah, Donny Osmond remarked, “It is such an honor to be chosen by the President to serve in Outer Darkness,” adding with a somber note, “It breaks my heart because there are so many lost souls there yet to be baptized for ... I know how Angelina [Jolie] must feel when she visits those poor countries where she buys all her kids.”  There has been some talk of Satan, who played drums under the pseudonym “Ginger Baker” in the late 60’s and 70’s with such notable bands as Cream and Blind Faith, joining the Osmonds to form a power trio the likes of which the world of Rock ‘n Roll has never seen, but Donny insists that such talk is still premature at this stage.