McCain to Call on Greek Gods to Defeat Terrorism

Report by Alan Rossenbaum, NJ Chapter

After months of consideration, Republican hopeful John McCain finally announced his plan to combat the looming threat of terrorism. At press conference today, McCain ripped open his suit coat and dress shirt to reveal a red undershirt with a golden lightning bolt. McCain explained the attire by revealing that he could call upon the power Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury by shouting “Shazam!” at which time an animated lightning bolt would transform him into the world’s mightiest mortal. “If elected, I will personally alleviate the threat of terrorism by transforming into a one-man terrorist-ass kicking machine,” proclaimed McCain, who, despite doctor’s orders to the contrary, thrust his fists triumphantly in the air ... then collapsed in an unconscious heap on the floor.