Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bush to Hippies, “Earth Day Sucks”

Report by John Walters, CA Chapter

Early this morning, on a day that would otherwise be Earth Day, President George W. Bush signed Executive Order 13464 into law. The Executive Order, the signing of which was witnessed by a small group of key Republicans, makes it a federal crime to celebrate Earth Day. Just before signing the order, President Bush, who has had a less than stellar environmental record, made this statement, “For nearly 8 years I’ve been pandering to those tree-hugging commies, what with their ‘whole grains’ and their ‘organic produce,’ but now its W’s time and W says screw Earth Day and screw those hippies!”

In response to the order, federal agents and the National Guard have been dispatched to major cities to put a halt to planned Earth Day celebrations. Sergeant William Sheets of the Texas National Guard was alerted just this morning and rushed to Dallas with his unit. “I had a 10 o’clock tee time, but now I have to go harass hippies. When I’m hitting longhairs with a baton, I’ll just pretend they’re golf balls,” said Sheets. Liberals responded to the Executive Order by saying, “man, I hate Bush!”