Clinton Camp Drives Young Voters from PollsReport by Devon Gray, NY Chapter
Following a ten point Clinton win in Pennsylvania, suspicions of foul play were aroused. In the midst of denials by the White House seeking Hillary Clinton, several campaign workers have come forward with details of a sinister plot to repel young voters from Pennsylvania voting booths. “Hillary realized about a month ago that she couldn’t win the hearts of young Americans, and although she scores very well among middle-age white woman, she knew she wouldn’t be able to ride a wave of weathered old bats all the way to the White House,” reported an anonymous Clinton campaign worker.
In an effort to exclude a voting block that the former First Lady has had no luck tapping into, the Clinton camp made use of an anti-loitering device, called the Mosquito, around polls that expected heavy young voter turnout. The Mosquito, sold in the the U.S. under the company name Kids Be Gone, emits a shrill, piercing noise likened to the sound of nails being scrapped down a chalkboard that can only be heard by teens and young adults “because of the presence of sensitive hair cells in the inner ear,” explained Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor Laura Davis.Young voters were driven away from the polls by the sound. “It sounded like a swarm of mosquitos were buzzing around a chalkboard scraping their long, blood-sucking beaks along the slate as they flew,” reported John “J Dogg” Smithers, a young Obama supporter. Another would-be Obama voter indicated, “It was literally impossible for me to get within 100 feet of the voting booth, after struggling to get into the building, I was forced, literally blinded by the pain, to run screaming into the street where I was run over by some lesbian in a Prius on her way to vote for that crack whore Hillary. The Obama Camp has reserved comment on the situation until more information is available.
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