Obama Rejects Church and God for Presidency

Report by Laretta Ence, NV Chapter

Presumptive Democratic Nominee for President Barack Obama “prayerfully” left his church and faith recently in a final push to secure the Democratic nomination. “This was a really stupid time to reject God,” stated Ralph Reed, former head of the Christian Coalition, “he had the Democratic nomination all but wrapped up ... sure this will play well with the godless lefties, but it will only serve to harden the right’s resolve to oppose him.”

Obama rejected his faith following more outrageous statements from the pulpit of his former church, this time from the lips of the visiting Father Pfleger. Father Pfleger mocked Hillary Clinton, implying that she believed that she was entitled to the Presidency because she is white and the wife of the former president. “While true,” stated an anonymous source within the Obama camp, “Barack doesn’t want to appear to promote any bias toward any particular religion or against any particular person, including that flatulent whore Hillary.”

Washington pundits are split on the issue of rejecting one’s faith midway through an election cycle. “Some will see this for what it is, a rejection of God in a self-empowering attempt to gain the Presidency, but most will believe that Obama is taking a high ground beyond the reach of organized religion,” postulated John Krantz of the American Workers Foundation. Conversely, Barbara White of the National Heritage Fund reckoned that, “Americans will see this move for what it really is: Obama is selling his moral grounding for a seat in the Oval Office.” John Kerry, former White House contender, in response to the news, internally speculated, “What if I had rejected the Catholic Church...?”