Tuesday, June 10, 2008

McCain Selects Running Mate

Report by Cal Svenson, MD Chapter

In a surprise move, Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain announced this morning that he has selected Hilary Duff to be his Vice President. Duff, perhaps best known as TV’s Lizzie McGuire, comes as a surprise to virtually all DC insiders. Shedding some light on the unusual selection, McCain staffer Tom Reynolds revealed, “Senator McCain wanted to inject a youthful spark into the ticket, and let’s face it, America has a love affair with little Lizzie McGuire.” Another source within the McCain camp disclosed that McCain had inquired whether or not Duff would be willing to run under the name Lizzie McGuire in hopes of dispelling any connection to fallen Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. In the end, the campaign decided to utilize Duff’s real name and market her as “The Attractive Hilary.”

Due to McCain’s age, there is some concern about the Constitutional age restriction of the President in the event that McCain should not survive his term. Duff, who falls well short of 35 year age requirement to be President of the United States might not be able to assume the Presidency in the event that McCain should pass away. A source close to the Republican Party noted that the Constitution is a “meaningless document” and “caries so little weight in today’s government” that they don’t anticipate a problem.


Jaired B. Hall said...

not to mention that if the Supreme Court had to interpret the meaning of the term "thirty-five years of age" as it relates to a president's qualifications, it would probably say something to the effect of: "The age restriction, doubtless relevant at the time of the constitution's ratification, due to the benefits of the modern development of compulsory public education, is now merely a matter of historical archaicness, and as we know, a tablespoon of history is worth a pint of logic, and logic dictates that where the constitution is irrelevant, it merely be interpreted to conform to the clearly enlightened and superior sensitivies of our contemporary era; which is to say, where the constitution says 'thirty-five' with regard to the qualifications of the president, it really means anybody over 'five' with a mental capacity that could think up a rational basis to determine all substantially compelling government interests that would be required by a president of the united states [commenter's commentary/ which isn't much, given the recent years of Bush /end commenter's commentary]."

Stephanie M said...


You are the slogan-master.

Caleb said...

i liked jaireds rant but I like McCains choice for VP much better. Hilary is smokin'. Good work McCain you can count on my vote!

John L. said...

This was a huge mistake. Although, "blondes have more fun," Miley Cyrus was clearly the best choice. I think I'm going to vote for Bob Barr now... or there's always Ralph Nader.

James said...

HAHAHA. Yes. I would totally contribute to this campaign!